An essay on falling in love : a memoir dedicated to all my past lovers and also my present boyfriend, dedicated to all the Indian teenage girls

       An essay on falling in love 

I asked a counselor is falling in love a bad thing. He said we'll the word falling itself describes the bad fall. Falling in love is bad and I wondered if it's really that bad why do people fall in love, or it's our culture that avoids this. 

In our culture, love is avoided like leprosy at the Prime time of youth. Women in their youth should be chaste and wait. If they fall in love they considered to have become impure from their mind. Even, when the poor girl has no relationship physically 

How does this love happen?  Does it start from the mind, brain or the paradoxical soul initiated it??? 

Love sparks?? Love at first sight??? Is this due to western influence?? Or Indians never fell in love before?? Bollywood, Hollywood influence?? Hormonal influence?? Strange stigmas ....

Well I must inform that this love is not about the love after marriage but before marriage that I'm about to talk about. I honesty fell for a guy because of his looks but it was not true love. It felt fake and he couldn't love me. We used to talk for minutes. Even when I became friends with his mother. Moreover, there was this peer pressure of not having a boyfriend or affair . It was just meaningless and I felt depressed. I left him without saying anything. Now, we are friends but still there's a stigma that I used to love him that irritates me. It's best to avoid the love through eyes or through sight. They never satisfy you plus it will degenerate your stature in your society rather than upgrading it. 

Once I had a dream, I saw a boy and the every next day I met him. As if your souls were mates. It was so good at the start. We used to talk so much like friends . He was the topper and I was a failure in studies. I started studying for him and participating in science exbhitions with working models. He was a genius but didn't look too good:- buck teeth, brown colour, humped back with soft eyes ,silky black hair, his skin was covered in acne scars. It felt good at first . I was happy he was happy. I waited for a time that he will ask me out or something like that but that day never came. Then a series of tragedies happened to me but when I came back to meet him. He had moved to another place. This made me so depressed and obsessed with the idea to find him out. For last six years I wrote letters everyday to him and they just bundles up in his house, the letter turned up to be food for termites. The love that the soul sparks can be too passionate and tormenting. I gave up on him had to attend a couple of couselling sessions to do that 

I decided to have a one night, stand with a bartender. Who became like my sex Guy? Honestly we just had foreplay not sex . He was always forcing me and was gonna rape me. I left him too.

The relationships to satisfy the body is the most dangerous if all relationships . There is a risk of getting raped 

At last I had one  Another night stand, with an old guy. He was fifty years old. I accidently joined a senior adults dating site. He was surprised to See me. Lol. He was looking for a fifty year old granny. It was not a sugar daddy and baby site but a senior dating site. We had a good night, even had sex . I trusted him a lot. A smart guy, with IQ over 130 and he was a writer. We were madly in love for two years and that led to many rendevors. He used to say the brain is the biggest sex organ. The brain, would go crazy when your in love. This love was different both passionate and emotional. It was illegal but the illegality created more beauty than chaos. We started living together and opposition came in many ways. He won't marry me cause he was old and would not live long. He was sterile too so we couldn't have kids. We used pamper each other and that filled the gap of kids. I saw snow and avocado, gym for the first time with him. I could experience so much with him and he  was happy too with me. I don't eat pig cause I'm Jewish but I cooked him bacon and he helped me with it. But when he dies I will left all alone and some money . 

I don't know which love is called the true love that is forever the love from soul or the love from brain even thou all of them have some small Elements of other forms. Then there is the constant struggle with my family, Chastity, Indian culture, and the world of stereotypes 

No matter watt the journey matters better than the end. When I look back I can see the experience I have collected. Now I'm more free and independent, richer due to a great business 

I would like girls to break the stereotypes not because breaking stereotypes but to see how strong a women can get. You will be called a whore or slut but it doesn't matter cause at last it's your life.